


American Parents

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Crossover, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-03-28
Updated: 2004-03-28
Packaged: 2017-11-01 07:49:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/353971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark is a victim of chaos and circumstance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	American Parents

## American Parents

by Lexalot

<http://www.livejournal.com/users/lexalot>

* * *

American Parents  
By: Lexalot 

Summary: Clark is a victim of chaos and circumstance. 

Rating: PG-13 

Pairing: Clark/Lex, Angel/Spike 

Disclaimer: I claim no right to anything except my due I've earned as a loyal fan! 

Inspiration and Reference: Music - "Camel Walk" by Southern Culture On The Skids; Characters - Amanda Nelligan from "The X-Files", Luke Duke from "The Dukes of Hazard", and Angel & Spike from the "Buffy"verse; Style inspired by the book "American Psycho"; Story inspired by the movie "Flirting With Disaster". 

Thanks: To coffeejunkii and rontgenkatze for being my test audience and for giving great feedback! 

Note: The guest list for this fic is all about crossovers and comedy :) 

* * *

So I'm just lying in bed with Lex when out of nowhere he turns to me and asks, "Are you going to try to find your parents before the wedding?" 

And this comes as a complete surprise to me, so I fumble for an answer, and all I can say is, "Why would I want to do that?" 

Then, he gives me this serious look that levels me and makes me panic all in one fell swoop, "Because I'd assume you want to know who they are, thereby getting to know everything about who you are before walking down the aisle with your boyfriend." 

I suppress the urge to ask him if he's kidding, and I make a conscious attempt at controlling my breathing and my facial expressions so that he doesn't know that my heart is pounding against my chest, and even though I'm in bed with my very sexy male lover and he is the cause of my pulse racing, it's not in a good way this time. Certain I've been staring at him too long and that he's getting suspicious, I blurt out, "Lex, I love you. I don't need to find my biological parents to know that and I don't need their approval to marry you." 

When it becomes obvious that I sounded too nervous saying that, I pout as a last defensive tactic, because that determination in his eyes is only getting stronger. And when he says, "Well, I'd like their blessing. Don't misunderstand, Clark. If I didn't get it, I'd still be at the altar with you. But I think you should find your parents before we get to that. I want you to resolve anything unfinished in your life so that you know you want to be with me and so you know who you are before you marry me. Honestly, I'd like to know who you are before I marry you too..." 

It's getting less and less likely that I'm going to have any say in this whatsoever, and my eyes roll and Lex keeps talking. It doesn't matter what my objections are. He'll shoot them down, tell me it's his way or no way, push and pry and prod because he never stops, and he doesn't realize my issues aren't with my adoption or my identity or my background, they're with his questions and doubts and mistrust. Lex has never been able to uncover anything about my real parents, so I know this mystifies him, and he's a pain in the ass when it comes to mysteries. I whine like a five year-old and my voice cracks with annoyance when I interrupt him and beg, "Please, Lex, I don't care about my real parents! Why does this have to be important? I can be perfectly happy the rest of my life with you without ever having found them or knowing anything about them! I don't want to meet them and you don't need to meet them either!" 

Of course, he's glaring at me, more determined than he was just a minute ago, and the resolve is practically browbeating me into submission. With a tone my Dad has taken in lecturing me too many times for me to count, Lex firmly states, "We're not getting married unless you do this for me." 

He's one hundred percent serious, and at the moment, I'm vehemently hating him for it. "Fine." 

I roll over and away from him, and wonder what the hell I'm going to do now, because I just royally fucked myself. 

Then it hits me! I can just talk to Chloe tomorrow at the Met U newspaper office! She'll have an idea! 

* * *

"I have no idea!" Didn't I tell you she'd be a big help? 

I can tell coming to her was a brilliant move when she stares at me dumbfounded and then shakes her head, like I'm an idiot for getting myself into this mess in the first place. "You're an idiot! How did you let yourself get into this mess?" Told you. "You didn't think it was a bad idea to agree to let Lex go with you to meet parents you don't even have? That was a pretty bonehead move, Clark!" 

Chloe is freaked because she knows why I am freaked. She knows I'm an alien. She's a reporter, after all, and it proved impossible to hide my secret from her after an... incident in twelfth grade. She is fully aware that I have no mother or father to introduce to Lex, not on Earth or anywhere else in the universe anymore. So what is her comforting advice as my best friend? "I suggest you hide! Send Lex a postcard from Cancun telling him you ran away with someone who accepted you as you are. Maybe that'll give him a wake-up call." 

As if it's necessary to repeat that I came here for a solution and not to add to the joy of having a problem this huge, I groan and roll my eyes. It's surprisingly little comfort that her response is to roll hers back. "Come on, Chloe, this is serious." 

"Okay," she says as if I'm spoiling her fun. "If you want to get Lex off your back... figuratively-speaking, that is..." 

Every time with the sex jokes! Ever since I told her about me and Lex, we can't have one single visit without the gay sex jokes. And that would be fine, except for her incredibly lousy timing, because the last thing I'm in the mood for now is to hear her make bad puns about the sex life I had that Lex ruined last night by bringing this issue into the picture! "Chloe," I struggle not to raise my voice, but I'm still gritting my teeth, "focus!" 

"I am focusing. And to prove it, I've even got an idea. How's that for a fast result?" She is looking very satisfied with herself and I'm getting impatient, so I make an eager gesture for her to elaborate, and then she does. "What if you just let him meet your parents?" 

At this point, I'm wondering if my hair has super strength, can I pull it out since I too have super strength, and I wonder this because I have the overwhelming urge to start ripping it out like a madman just listening to Chloe. "What are you talking about? How the hell is he going to meet my parents? If he could meet them, do you think there would be a problem? If it were that easy, I wouldn't be here getting great advice from you like 'why don't you just let him meet your parents?'!" 

I take a breath, because I must have turned red shouting like that. Meanwhile, she's tilting her head at me like I'm being awfully paranoid and irrational for an alien. Just when I think she's said the stupidest thing I've ever heard, she keeps going. "We set up a meeting and once he's met them and you've spent an evening with them, you're all set and he's none the wiser!" 

If it's possible, I'm more lost than I was before, and the bright cheer written all over her face is just baffling because she seems to know exactly what she's talking about. I'm scrambling to save my engagement from going down in flames and she's grinning and nodding at me like a lunatic with an imaginary fire extinguisher. "Pretend you're me, and all of a sudden, your best friend whose help you desperately need loses her mind. What do you do?" 

"I haven't lost my mind, Clark! This is the solution! It's going to be fine, you'll see. Just meet me in the park at our usual rendezvous spot by the gardens tomorrow at noon. And bring Lex." I'm still stuttering through protests when she breezes past me and sets off on some mission that is supposed to solve my problem and I don't have the slightest clue what that plan even is! 

My love life hangs in the balance, and I'm completely and utterly in the dark on how Chloe aims to save it. I reassure myself that I trust her. And it's not very confidence-filling to have to chant it in my head until I believe it... which I don't and never will no matter how many times I tell myself I should. 

I get home to Lex, and I inform him that Chloe wants us to meet her about this. Though I lay it on thick that I'm sure this is a good sign, I'm not nearly as convinced as Lex seems to be by my promises that this is going somewhere. I want him to think I've caved and that I'm cooperating. So far so good. All my faith goes into Chloe, whether I like it or not, and I hope and pray that tomorrow's meeting has some purpose and will really work to my advantage. 

For a nanosecond before I fall asleep, I actually consider Chloe's postcard from Cancun proposal. 

* * *

I see Chloe approach from around a bend in the path through the gardens. I see she is not alone, but has some woman walking with her, and I instantly wish I had just taken the whole easy-out postcard suggestion. Lex and I have been waiting for fifteen minutes, and she's late. I had been getting restless and Lex just seemed curious, but now we both rise off our bench to greet Chloe and her guest. 

"Hey, Clark. Hi, Lex." Simple hellos that I wish she'd just skip and cut to the chase. As though it's not enough the anticipation is having nearly Kryptonite effects on me, Chloe has to delay, like she's taking the scenic route to a tea party while I'm on my way to a neon green electric chair. 

She's giving Lex this contented smirk, and then she glances over at me. I get the impression that a school of butterflies is loose in my stomach, feeling as if I'm on stage in a play and I've never seen my lines. Her eyes settle on Lex again and she says in a very disturbingly perky voice, "I'm glad you convinced him to finally take an interest in tracking down his parents, Lex, because I never could. But luckily, I've been prepared for this, just in case one day he decided he wanted to know." 

It's a nice strong lie so even though I'm not sure where it's heading, I go with it. "That's why I went straight to her," I say, and it sounds really dorky and fake. Lex just nods at me like it all sounds legitimate though, and I don't mind sounding like a complete moron as long as he buys this story Chloe has come up with... which I have yet to be let in on. 

Lex and I are both waiting to hear what comes next when Chloe gestures to the woman at her side. The stranger is older with light brown hair and her eyes are zeroed in on my direction in a way that makes me squirm and wonder why she's fixed on me. Then, as if to answer that question, Chloe says, "This is your mother, Clark." 

Oh my God. "Oh my God!" I manage to squeak out, and I reluctantly lean over and hug this total stranger, who hugs me like she's shooting for an Academy Award. That's when it dawns on me. Chloe's hired this woman to play the part of my mother for Lex. My mind is already reeling with several stages of being faced with this; shock, denial, fear, anger, murdering Chloe, and finally, acceptance. And I imagine eventually heartbreak... mine... by Lex. 

After I step back, Lex steps forward and shakes the woman's hand, and I take this opportunity to communicate the denial, fear, and anger phases of this miniature mental breakdown I'm silently suffering. 

I mouth the word "No" over and over and over again, shaking my head as I stand behind Lex where he can't see my immense disapproval. 

Chloe sees me perfectly though because we are in open sight of one another. And she just winks and smiles at me like it's all going to be okay. 

Welcome to my nightmare. 

* * *

The nightmare part hasn't begun yet, but I feel it coming like a meteor rock a hundred feet away. Things are actually going pretty okay, which would be a relief if I didn't have that instinctive intuition that Murphy was on to something with those laws of his. I can't wait for this whole charade to be over... but we've only been sitting at this table for five minutes and we just ordered our food, so the odds of getting out of here soon are terribly slim. 

Courtesy of Chloe, we have a reservation at a very nice restaurant near the park. The four of us are seated in a booth, Lex and I on one side, Chloe and my mother-for-the-day on the other. Barely two words have been spoken since we got here not counting when we placed our order for lunch. We're surrounded by men in business suits and women in more stylized business suits. We would stand out like a sore thumb if Lex weren't with us in his business suit. He's not wearing a tie, but it's dressy enough, and he has the kind of power that stops the waiter from denying us service based on my blue jeans and sneakers. Even Chloe looks kind of business casual, and had she told me I would be meeting my pseudo-mother, I would have worn something more appropriate. 

Lex takes my hand, which he does on the table instead of under it. Not that I mind that people can see because we've been out since I became legal, but I feel funny doing it in front of this woman. Even though she's not my mother, I'm acting like she is, and this public display is making me nervous for more than just that reason. I don't know how much Chloe told her or prepped her for this situation. 

From the little squeeze Lex gives my hand, I can tell he thinks I need the support right now and he's trying to be reassuring, which is very... well, reassuring. What's less reassuring is that this woman has been staring at our hands clasped together since Lex started holding my hand. And now I feel like faking a dizzy spell so this can just end already. 

The woman's name is Amanda Nelligan. Or at least that's how Chloe introduced her. Where Chloe found her and how she convinced her to do this is beyond me. I don't know, and I don't want to know. Frankly, the less I know the better. The most Chloe explained was that this woman was from Virginia and she was actually in the area on the way to Los Angeles. It's safe to assume this much is true, because as Chloe herself has told me before, the trick is to lie as little as possible... For a minute, it occurs to me that going by that logic, it would have been smarter to have not tried to match me with a falsified parent and to find a simpler explanation that wouldn't require some horrible web of lies. But I think Chloe and I forgot how to lie simply about six hundred excuses, cover stories, and deceptions ago. 

The minute of wondering how this farce got so big so quickly passes. I'm here and I might as well swing at this curve ball that Chloe's thrown me. I remind myself she's trying to help and when mommy gives a sweet little smile, I give a small smile back. She's petite. At least, she is compared to me, her quote-unquote son. Then my quote-unquote mom asks in her tiny voice, "Are you two... together?" 

Shoot me now! Mental note; kill Chloe! I gulp. I'm not drinking or eating though, I'm just gulping down pride and dignity and self-respect. In that second, I know I'm going to hell for trying to deny who I am. I don't mean gay. I mean an alien. If I weren't so afraid and ashamed, I could be myself and because I refuse to be myself, I'm forced to suffer for it. My life is one of those bad made-for-TV movies that they won't air on network television because of the sappy and absurd drama of a gay alien in America, so Lifetime picks it up and airs it once a month right after a Melissa Gilbert after-school special. 

Back to the moment, snapping myself out of self-loathing and self-pity, I realize I haven't answered her question. Then I further realize that what snapped me out of my nightmarish daze was Lex squeezing my hand, and just as I turn to acknowledge his gesture, he looks at Amanda and says, "Yes, we are." 

My eyes shoot over to Amanda, who is much to my surprise still smiling. "That's great," she says, just like a real mommy. Spoken like the most understanding and open-minded mother you'd ever want to have. Not that my parents aren't open-minded. Just took my father a while to get used to Lex. Not the fact that I'm gay, mind you! The fact that I'm gay and dating Lex! My Dad went so far with the Why Lex? campaign as to inquire what was wrong with Pete! Go ahead and shiver. I know I did! Pete's my best friend and that just really weirded me out... Anyway, both of my parents accepted both my sexuality and my lover, but they didn't do it as fast as this woman did. She was either a very good actress or a really cool person... or both. 

Smiles all around the table, this is turning out better than I expected. It seems to be not so bad all of a sudden. I actually relax, probably for the first time since Lex pulled this issue out of thin air and demanded I address it. If things keep up this way, I might even be able to keep up the part and we can make a whole lifelong thing of this woman being sort of a surrogate mother, which is a little wacky because she's supposed to only be playing my mother for this meeting, but maybe the arrangement could last. Who knows? And yes, I'm getting way ahead of myself, but I'm too happy to see that things are finally going well to care. The tension smoothes out, and I breathe easily. 

Feeling more comfortable, I'm starting to get a little cocky cast in the role of long-lost son, so I say, "I'm glad you were in the area so we could meet like this." She smiles even wider and warmer, like it genuinely means something to her that I appreciate this. Getting rather into the part, I figure my key motivation would be to find out some things about my mother, so I ask, "Why are you going to L.A.?" 

"Your father's there," she answers with this intense joy showing all over her face. 

Oh. "Oh!" That was... unexpected. Are we adlibbing now? Well... okay. When in Rome... or on Earth, or in a deep well of mendacity, follow the lead of others. That's my convenient motto of the minute. "Really? Tell me about him." 

"His name's Luke Skywalker. He's what's known as a Jedi Knight." And as much as I'd like to pretend I didn't hear that, I can't ignore the fact that Lex heard it loud and clear. Like a giant warning siren or a guy with a megaphone shouting that the jig is up! 

My eyes open nice and wide and any comfort or false sense of security has gone straight to hell and taken the chances of this turning out well with it. This is the part where the fluffy white bunnies turn into giant man-eating rabbits of death because the dream has now come to the point where it turns into the nightmare. Finally! I was wondering when this rollercoaster was going to crash and burn, and it's about fucking time! 

When I glance over at Lex, he seems puzzled. He probably figures she's kidding. Somehow, I know she's not. And that is unnerving on so many levels, one of them being that the fake mother from Earth has just told her fake son from Krypton that his fake father is from Tatooine. I'm an alien pretending to be human with a human pretending to be my mother who claims my father is a pretend alien... That isn't even the beginning of how confused and disturbed I am over this! 

She still has the most sober and sincere expression, and it's clear she meant that in earnest, but Lex ignores that. "Seriously, what can you tell us about Clark's father?" 

"I am serious. He's going to be in town for a large gathering of his followers, but he's in disguise since he's hiding from the Empire." She nods as if this is the most natural thing to say in the world, and that convinces me; she's off her rocker! 

Lex's thumb strokes the back of my hand and when I see the sheer disappointment in his eyes, I know he's thinking the same thing about her. Without flinching, he presses the case. "How many times have you seen Star Wars, Amanda?" 

"Two-hundred and forty-eight." And that's all the evidence any of us needs. 

We don't ask any more questions, and dinner goes over quickly and quietly. When it's done, I excuse myself from the table and Lex stays behind, I assume to pick up the bill. Before I leave the three of them there, Amanda tells me, "May the force be with you," and I sigh, a little exasperated but indulgent, then hurry outside to get some fresh air. 

I'm genuinely upset, and there's no reason I should be other than a failed attempt at staging a bit of an elaborate farce to fool my lover. But there's something more eating at me, and I'm stunned to think that I was sucked in by the idea of having a normal parent. Even if it was all just an act, the promise of having a real biological relative right there in front of me made everything feel as ordinary as I ever wanted it to feel. Of course, that consolation and any illusion of normalcy was destroyed when she turned out to be a space cadet! But it makes me think... Maybe there's something to this sense of closure Lex was talking about after all. Maybe I'll never be happy until I have a sense of background or stability in my life. Can I have a future without having a past first? It's not something I've ever considered before, and I know why. Because there's no way that I can ever get that kind of closure, so that sort of puts a damper on the whole point of searching for it. But after this experience, I'm starting to think that maybe a false sense of security is better than no sense of security at all. 

That's Chloe's cue to enter, or exit as the case may be, as she comes out the glass door of the restaurant and joins me. She's still taking steps toward me when she starts to explain. "Clark, I am so sorry! I had no idea she was going to turn out to be such a nutjob!" Her eyes beg my pardon, and all I can do is nod and kick at the cement sidewalk. 

"It's alright. I appreciate the effort." I mean it half-heartedly. The dismissal, not the appreciation. I don't like admitting that this affected me, but at the same time, I'm doing a lousy job of hiding it. 

"Look on the bright side," she suggests. I think to myself, there's a bright side? "It could be worse." She shrugs and that's the best she can offer me. It falls extremely short of being good enough to calm me down. 

"How could this be worse?" I'm a tad incredulous, and I'm raising my voice more than I should for an alien on a bustling city street. "Lex thinks that's my mother now. Before, my parents were a mystery. They could have been anyone. Now Lex's first impression of the only person he believes has blood ties to me is that she's crazy!" 

"Isn't that better than his first impression being that your species isn't indigenous to this solar system?" She's trying to be helpful, and she's so not helping. I wish she wouldn't help me, because these crackpot schemes always lead to trouble. See any sitcom for examples. "Wouldn't you rather this than tell him the truth?" 

She's right, but since when is truth helpful, much less convenient? I glare at Chloe because I'm a bit irritated by that remark, mainly because like I said, she's right. "She told Lex my father was Luke Skywalker!" 

Her face scrunches up and she sulks. "Alright, you have a point," she concedes begrudgingly. As if she should be the one holding a grudge here. But in all fairness, she did go above and beyond the call of duty. It's more than anyone else would have done for me. Besides, she's my lifeline and she's always been there when I need someone to turn to about this stuff. This is no different. I glance up at her and I smile, because I want her to know I'm not mad at her. There's this spark in her eyes though, like she's working something out, and then I can almost see the light bulb go on over her head just as she opens her mouth and says, "I've got another idea." 

My eyes narrow and I am very alarmed by that perky inflection in her voice. A mischievous look comes over her that screams meddling, and now it's time for me to start worrying all over again. "Chloe," I warn sternly, "No! Whatever it is, NO!" 

"Wait, you haven't even heard my idea yet!" She's insisting, like this is the first time she's had a great idea and not the zillionth, and as if the other times she's had a brilliant idea nothing has ever gone wrong. Despite the fact that that's exactly what happened about two and a half minutes ago! 

My eyes roll back into my head and I whine with conviction and all the sarcasm I can muster, "And I should hear it because your last idea went over real well!" 

Jumping right in my way, she blocks me from escaping back into the restaurant to find Lex. It should have told her something that I'd rather go back in there after being completely humiliated than stay here and entertain whatever Nancy Drew plan she's cooked up now. I stand in front of her and against my better judgment, I listen. "Listen, this was going fine until she turned out to be a delusional Star Wars addict, right?" She doesn't wait for my reply, because she already knows I agree with her. "What if I checked the records again and found out that I made a mistake? We could say I got the wrong name, and poof, she's not your mother anymore!" Realizing that if Amanda's not one of my parents someone else has to be, I foresee where this is going, and I'm amazed that the insanity of it still somehow surprises me. "I can find someone else, and this time I can interview them and take some more time to research their background so that I know you're not walking into an accident waiting to happen. I get someone suitable. I pay them just like I did Amanda. Lex gets to meet someone biologically connected to you, and you get a happy ending." Spoken in true fairytale form. 

My head hurts. I don't think I've ever needed an aspirin in my life, but I could use one right about now. I'm speechless. That's her solution? Another giant hoax? Elaborate farce the sequel. I've died and gone to hell and this is my punishment for lying to everyone I love on a continual and daily basis. Either that or I'm on a particularly ironic, extra cruel episode of The Twilight Zone. This has all the earmarks of Weekend at Bernie's type disaster. I'm at a total lack for words, but the most surprising thing of all is that oddly enough, I really want to go along with this idea. As terrified of it as I am. 

She makes it sound so wonderful that after a moment of silence, I just nod. Chloe tells me she'll call with the news that there was a mix up tomorrow, and she promises that in a few days she'll have someone else to present as one of my parents. Ideally she'd like to get a couple to do it, so we could kill two birds with one stone, but she worries that might be easier said than done and more expensive. 

During the course of her rambling, which I'm beginning to purposely drown out, I'm having some second thoughts, but there's no turning back now. I've done it. I've given her the green light, and no sooner do I regret it than Lex exits the restaurant and heads straight toward me. 

His arm slips around my waist and he pulls me into him. I huddle close, because it's freezing out, but he can't know that I don't get cold and I just really want to be close to him right now. He plants a kiss on the side of my cheek and I wonder if he knows that I'm blushing or just thinks it's the wind chill that makes my cheeks so rosy. "Are you okay?" he whispers into my hair. 

I look him in the eye, and the comforting smile on his face is enough to take my mind off everything else. "Yeah." 

He grins at me. There's a flare in his eyes and I'm waiting for him to say something derogatory, because I know it's coming sooner or later. "I didn't know you were a Skywalker, Clark." And it's sooner. And he takes a perfectly beautiful moment and ruins it with his geek sense of humor. 

Over the next three days, he teases me about it every chance he gets. He even keeps on mocking me after Chloe calls with the story about the confusion and that she is in the process of tracking down the right person. I had imagined that he would be relieved to hear the news that Amanda wasn't really my mother, but it hasn't seemed to make a difference. Doesn't stop him from taunting me over the son of a Jedi Knight thing. But he does it in such an adorable way that I can't be mad at him. He's more at ease than ever, while I'm winding up worse and worse the closer it gets to rendezvous with the fraudulent folks... again. 

We get the call I dread from Chloe that it's show time, and I gear up for meet the parent, take two. 

* * *

Let's try this again. 

I arrive an hour early because I'm so nervous that if I were human, I know I'd be sweating. But I'm not human. And there you have the essence of this entire problem. So here we are for the second time. 

Lex had an emergency meeting called on him, and with his father doing time at a sanitarium far away, Lex is the big boss man in charge of things and what used to be LuthorCorp but is now one-hundred percent converted to LexCorp cannot draft a simple memo without his approval. 

Because of this, it's just Chloe and me for a while. 

"You've checked this guy out, right? I mean, you've thoroughly checked him out?" After the close encounter of the Lucas kind with my un-mom, I guess Chloe thought it would be going a safer route to go for an un-dad this time. I realize that if I were human, I'd also be chain-smoking at this point. 

"For the hundredth time, Clark, yes. I met with him twice, talked with him, and did a background check. He's a really nice guy. When he was young, he was a bit of a hell-raiser, but I could say the same thing about Lex. This guy is straight as an arrow, forgive the expression." Great. Gay puns. I wish I were a hermit crab because at least then I'd have a shell to retreat into and I could hide my face whenever Lex asks me a question that I can't answer and Chloe feels the need to release tension by patronizing me. "If it makes you feel any better, he's even doing this pro bono. He didn't want any money at all. I told him what we're doing, and he decided he'd do it for free out of the goodness of his heart." 

That earns her a sideways glance because that sounds awfully nice, but I remember Amanda sounding awfully nice too. Why do I always make such a perfect unwitting victim, like a lamb that hops right on the wagon to the slaughter? I feel like a crash-test dummy. "Does he know how much money Lex has? Did you even tell him about Lex? He might change his mind when he's face-to-face with Fortune's favorite son." 

"Clark, I really don't think this guy cares." An uneducated guess. How non-reassuring! Chloe's batting a million and the parental candidate of the morning hasn't even gotten here yet. Just to cover our asses and be on the safe side, we've told Lex that Chloe believes this man is my father, but there's a small margin of error. That's what this brunch is all about, sizing up the potential, both as a falsified and authentic dad. While I'm trying to stop biting my fingernails, a habit I only picked up in the last few days, Chloe's brow furrows and she asks, "Why does Lex have this sudden need to make you play Roots anyway?" 

All I can do is shrug and throw out my best guess. "Everyone he's ever let in goes psychotic on him in some way or another. He's been married twice already," a fact I don't like to think about anymore than Lex does, "and every time, he discovers the person he's with isn't who he thought they were. I suppose he's just paranoid. He wants to be sure I am who he's thinks I am and that he's really going to spend the rest of his life with me." 

Then comes this look that explicitly accuses me of being a hypocrite, and then comes the actual accusation, "Clark, you aren't who he thinks you are!" 

Way to piss on my parade, Chloe. "All the more reason to show him my parents aren't crackpots!" Yeah, I know that doesn't make much sense, but it sounds good at the time. 

"Clark! These people aren't your parents!" she shouts. "God, how long are you going to keep this from him? Do you really believe you'll be able to hide the truth about yourself forever?" 

I'm grateful no one is around to hear this very loud discussion. We're in an enclosed space outside the entrance to the restaurant, which is on the seventieth floor of this skyscraper that is one of the tallest in all of Metropolis. The lounge has just opened to let a few customers in. Meanwhile we're down a more secluded part of the hall by the elevators waiting for Lex and my pseudo-father to show up. "I don't have to hide it forever. Just until we're living happily ever after and I know he's not going anywhere!" Again, this is one of those things that sounds much better at the time than it does in retrospect. 

"Jesus, Clark! Do you know how selfish and underhanded that sounds?" And when she says that, I do indeed realize how it sounded, but Chloe doesn't know what it's like to have to worry about this and be in love with someone who means more to me than any destiny. I'm ready to cut into her because she has no right to talk, and then she talks more. She glares at me and with this disgust in her voice, she says, "God, maybe Lex is right to be suspicious. Now I'm starting to get why he's giving you the third degree!" 

That cuts into the heart of the matter too deep for me to admit. It rings so true that I don't even have a comeback for it. What could I say? That it's not the only reason Lex is so adamant about climbing my family tree? That Lex also probably wants me to know who I am so that not only is he sure of me but so that I'm sure of him too? I know that's a major part of it, but it doesn't make what Chloe just said any easier to digest. 

We're standing in silence, and those words aren't sitting well with me. The elevator dings and it's too late to say anything even if I had anything to say, because when the doors open, Lex is there with another man who's tall and has short brown hair. They get off the elevator together, and Lex comes over to me while the other guy approaches Chloe. Her face has softened, even though there's still something sour visible in it. She's trying to disguise it though, and she's doing a better job than I am. 

Chloe's expression goes from stormy to sunny in under two seconds. Time for introductions, and here comes that butterfly collection loose in my stomach again. "Clark, Lex, this is Luke." Great, so the Skywalker thing refuses to go away! 

"Skywalker?" Okay, I swear I thought that to myself and didn't say it... but then I turn to see Lex grinning, calm and cool as usual, and that's when it hits me that he said it. A moment like this is either annoying because Lex seems to have an unfair advantage to know what I'm thinking or a moment like this is amazing because it's so romantic to think that Lex and I are so in tune with one another that we have the same thoughts. This particular moment is a bit of both. 

The man laughs at Lex's little quip, though I'm pretty sure he doesn't know the significance behind the joke. "No, not Skywalker," he answers light-heartedly and adds more seriously, "Last name's Duke." Luke Duke?... I suppress the urge I'm feeling to attempt choking myself to death. Where does Chloe dig up these People of the Year candidates? Did she pull this one out of a nursery rhyme? More importantly, does he know Jack and Jill? Because if he does, the search for my parents is over. I can just say they died in a tumbling accident! 

That gets me wondering all over again why we couldn't just say that both of my parents are dead. Then, that reminds me why I threw that solution out the window early on. First, this sense of closure that Lex insists I get would be at a dead end if my parents were gone, so there's no chance for resolution there for either of us, and that would never be enough to satisfy Lex. Especially when you throw in reason number two, this isn't doable. Because second, and more significantly, that cop-out requires documentation and much more imagination and connections and resources than I can compile without Lex knowing about it. This way, it's a small operation, just me and Chloe, and it's simple... if you can call it that. The only evidence this method calls for is the person themselves, and though Chloe and I are really kind of Forrest Gumping our way through this, a hell of a lot more than we should be in fact, I think this was the path of least resistance. I'm hoping I haven't made a huge mistake. Like the hydrogen-filled balloon flying too close to electrical wires in the rain kind of mistake. 

I haven't been paying attention for the last five minutes, because I'm so preoccupied with the potential for Hindenberg-esque disaster that I don't notice until now that we've gone inside the restaurant and are being seated at a table near the bar. After the last experience, I insisted on brunch, so that it wasn't really a meal. That was too awkward in the wake of Amanda's psychotic Star Wars episode. 

This guy's dressed in a pretty laidback manner, white button down shirt that's almost half open and blue jeans over cowboy boots, and I know once again that we only got in here like this because Lex was with us. When people see Lex Luthor is with you, they don't ask questions. Lex knows this, and he walks around like he's completely used to it. Though I'm sure he's accustomed to this kind of treatment, I'm not, and I never will be. Not that Idon't enjoy it, because I'll admit it really comes in handy sometimes. 

My mind is running a mile a minute because no one at the table has said anything. Luke ordered a beer and Chloe got a soda, and ever since we've been sitting in silence, and quite a few minutes have passed. This Luke guy is smiling all friendly-like. so that's not the problem. Chloe's rifling through her purse for something, so that's not it. But Lex is looking at me with a confused look on his face. When his eyes squint like he's trying to see through me, I remember that he doesn't have x-ray vision and wonder why he's staring... Oh. It seems I'm where that tension is coming from. I grow conscious that I'm banging my fork on the table habitually, like a nervous tick or something, and as soon as this comes to my attention, I voluntarily drop the utensil and hide my hands under the table. 

Lex takes my hand under the table this time, and I'm pretty sure Luke can't see. I try to relax, since I know that's what Lex is wordlessly trying to tell me. Lex must sense that I'm having flashbacks and anxiety attacks because of what happened with Amanda, because he decides to initiate conversation for me. "So, Luke, if it turns out that you are indeed Clark's father, do you know who his mother is?" 

A brief delay, and then Luke answers, "Yeah, I believe I do." Spoken with a good amount of confidence, and I'm just praying he's not going to say Princess Leia. One thing for sure is that it's clear he wasn't totally prepared for that question, and that doesn't assuage any of my fears. 

Waiting patiently, Lex presses the issue, "Could you give us her name?" 

"Sure," he replies, nodding. How does this fake father guy have confidence in this set-up and I feel like an invertebrate? The nodding has already gone on too long and this pause is too long, but then finally, he provides a name. "Daisy." He seems unsure all of a sudden. It sounds like he pulled the name out of a hat and had trouble reading it aloud. It was probably just the first female name that popped into his head. No sign of a wedding ring, so it can't be his wife. 

Drinks come, and as soon as he's had half a beer, Luke starts to loosen up. He starts to talk a little bit about himself, his brother, and that he's just in the city until the weekend and is on his way back home after having traveled a while. Soon, he starts to sound kind of like my Dad, by which I mean my adoptive Dad, Jonathan Kent, but maybe that's just my impression of him. Lex seems very comfortable with Luke, and that's not something my Dad and Lex achieved half as quickly. 

Before I know it, the spotlight shifts from Luke to me, and that actually helps me loosen up. Luke asks me questions, just like I imagine a curious father would when meeting his potentially biological son. Things like how my life has been, what I like to do for fun, whether or not I like college and how I did in high school. This is such a relief to be on the receiving end of the questions instead of the giving end. It relaxes me to be back in control. I control the answers, and that means I control the story and the truth we're fabricating here. 

The brunch is brief but pleasant. And best of all, it's without incident! Perfectly normal guy and a fairly nice time. I'm surprised I feel cool about the whole experience, now that it's pretty much over and we're just waiting for the check. I haven't given Lex too much attention. In all honesty, during these things, this time with Luke and last time with Amanda, I've tried to pretend he's not there, because otherwise I'll never be able to get through it. Every time I've thought of him, the pressure hits me, and I feel like I'll just screw everything up if I let that get to me. So now I turn to Lex to make sure he's not feeling neglected or slighted. He has the same placid look on his face that he did a few days ago for the entire time we were at lunch with Amanda Nelligan. That doesn't tell me anything! 

Either Lex is on some drug that drowns out his emotions or he's actually a Vulcan, in which case I have nothing to worry about because he's an alien too. Though that doesn't seem too likely. There is a third possibility, and it's that Lex is wearing his game face. That's what I call the expression he always has on his face at corporate and media functions. It's Passive Lex, and now he comes with the Invincible Lex look, batteries and Action Clark not included. Why does he have to be so damn quiet? It's really frustrating! 

I stare at him like I could burn a hole in him... and now that it occurs to me that I could accidentally burn a hole in him staring at him this intensely, I'm suddenly very careful about even glancing in his direction. I've learned to control my abilities really well, but I still don't trust them in this situation, a scenario that puts me more on edge than any of the crises I've overcome before. 

Why doesn't he say something? Smile or scowl or something? Anything! I glance over at him compulsively and he is a constant blank page! Then he blinks and it's the most reaction I've gotten from him in the past hour. That's generally the most I've gotten from him in days, aside from really tiring jokes about using the Force since our close encounter of the absurd kind with the mother of all Luke Skywalker groupies. I begin to think that maybe Lex is just trying to be there but not in the way. That sort of makes sense to me, and what I like most about that theory is that it doesn't mean anything is wrong because I don't even want to think about that... But I might have to start questioning if this is really the case, if there's something Lex isn't telling me and this thing he won't tell me is really the reason behind all this. I should talk to him, but it's the wrong place and time to do it now. 

On the bright side, Luke seems to have worked out. Yep, there's something about the guy. I like him. 

* * *

"I don't like him! There's something about this guy that doesn't seem right, and I don't like it." I could swear he had my full support only fifteen minutes ago when we were upstairs. But now we're downstairs, and in that short space of time, I've flip-flopped. Something finally cropped up to rub me the wrong way. I knew it was too good to be true. 

"What? Clark, what are you talking about? What's wrong with Luke?" As if she had to ask! The whole problem is right across the parking lot, and Chloe and I are whispering so no one hears us. Luke is sitting in his orange-red classic car talking to Lex before he drives off, and they are both just out of earshot. 

The fact that Chloe was upset with me earlier is resurfacing in this argument. It's like we just picked up the hostility where we left off without skipping a beat. "What's wrong with him? Are you kidding? Where have you been the last five minutes?" She's been right next to me, but she doesn't see things the way I see them. Probably because I'm a wreck, and by this point the whole world is looking like one of those compactors at the junkyard that crushes wrecks into cubes. "He's driving around in a car with the Confederate flag on the roof!" There wasn't enough emphasis or volume to my voice to really tell her how deeply disturbed I was by this, and I'm in total denial that it might not be as big a deal as I'm making it out to be. 

"That's what's got you all freaked out? You don't approve of him now because of his car?" I hate it when other people make sense, because it always makes you sound like you're not making sense. Chloe sounded like she was making sense, but that's not possible because I'm right and she's wrong, and that's just how it is! Didn't she think to do a check on the guy's car first? She should have done that and then taken pictures and shown me beforehand or something! 

"He called it The General Lee, Chloe! He named the car after Lee and it has a gigantic fucking Confederate flag painted on the top of it! We don't even know if the car is his!" I'm not jumping to conclusions. 

"You're suggesting he stole it?" See, if I were jumping to conclusions, could Chloe have guessed that from what I said alone? I don't think so. 

"No, Chloe, everyone gets into their car through the side window!" My entire life I've never seen anyone climb into a car like that! It was really weird, and Chloe has to admit to that much. 

"I think you're overreacting," she says, glowering at me. It's funny to have someone half your size try to stare you down. 

I think she's underreacting! If anyone's overreacting it's her... to me... about him! "I'm overreacting?" 

"Yes, you're being immature and paranoid!" Takes one to know one isn't really going to work as a comeback to that, is it? 

"That's it! From now on, you're going to sit back with Lex, and I'll do the hard part!" I say just as Lex walks up to us and I see Luke's car take off into the street. 

Lex's eyes fix on me. He looks concerned and confused, and it's clear he knows that he's walked in on a heated conversation. "What's going on?" 

The question isn't directed at anyone in particular, and he glances at Chloe for a second to see if she will answer, but I chime in before she can. "That's not him. Luke's not my father, and Chloe's screwed this search up twice now, so I'm taking over." She looks hurt and like she's going to cry, and I won't be able to handle it if that happens, so I turn away from both of them, feeling pretty alone in Metropolis for the first time since I came here. "I'll find my parents myself." 

With that, I storm off, desperately in need of some time to think about this burden I've taken on my shoulders now. And, oh yeah, I might want to cool down while I'm at it. I take a long walk, stopping somewhere around the city limits, and once I've criss-crossed town a couple times, I head home to Lex to find him already in bed and asleep. All I can do is crawl under the covers with him and try to get some rest, because it's been too long a day. Chloe's most likely mad at me and there might be something wrong with Lex and me. As much as I don't even want to think it, I start to consider the possibility that he's really just scared about the wedding and is trying to find a way to get out of it. Maybe that's why he's acting so strangely... like he's there but he's not. If that's true, then now I might be just driving him further and further away. Needless to say, I'm not too proud of my behavior, but I'm determined to do this on my own and get it right. Maybe once this is done, the worst will be behind us. 

I've got two strikes against me. One more and I'm out. Well, they say the third time's the charm. 

* * *

Here it is. My third and final chance. If this doesn't pan out, then I give up. Plain and simple. 

The night I spent wandering the streets of Metropolis after our second crash and burn test flight with Luke, I met the guy whose apartment we're in right now. When I was passing by an alleyway that night, I heard a cry for help. I followed it only to find this guy. He had saved the woman I had rushed there to rescue. This man is a hero. To look at him, you'd never know that. In fact, he looks more like the kind of lurker in the shadows that you'd run from instead of to if you ever met him in a dark alley. He was wearing a black leather trenchcoat, black jeans and a black t-shirt, and his hair bleached platinum blonde and slicked back. Dark, but I've known darker and scarier. Bruce Wayne, for example. Only he's less flashy and Rebel Yell about his appearance. But I know better than to judge a book by it's cover. Besides, the last two candidates looked like ordinary people and turned out to be real wackos. So I take the knowledge that this guy is a far cry from looking normal as a good sign. 

When I approached him that night after he saved the girl and trashed her attackers, I talked to him for a while and eventually I brought up this whole parent thing. The guy was ready to walk away. He didn't really seem to care much. Again, I took this as a good sign that he didn't want to be involved because the last two people Chloe rounded up seemed a bit too eager to do it and go along with everything. As soon as I mentioned that money was no problem, the man spun around, saying in his very thick British accent that that's a different story then, and asked me just how much I was willing to spend. He named his price, I offered him half up front, and it was a done deal. I figured if I want things to turn out differently, I've got to do something differently. Insanity is repeating the same action and expecting to get different results. Or so I've heard. Sounds about right though, doesn't it? 

Now it's me, Lex and Chloe. We're sitting in this small apartment in downtown Metropolis. The neighborhood isn't too friendly, but this guy's place sure is nice. Antiques are everywhere. There must be centuries worth of relics in this room alone. Lex spends every second we wait admiring the old weaponry that covers the walls. Chloe has her eyes on the artwork that alternates with the sharp and pointy display items. I'm already feeling pretty satisfied with myself. This was arranged on my terms and it feels right and comfortable, even though it's a bit odd. Just knowing this guy goes around helping people and saving lives like me makes me proud to think of him as my pretend dad. It's evening and we had dinner before coming here. The bleached blonde star of the night disappeared into the bedroom right after letting us in, and now we're just waiting. 

Finally, he returns to the living room, and now he has someone else with him. The guy I'm paying to play the part of my father tonight has on the same basic outfit as when I met him a few nights ago minus the trench. The guy he brings out with him is wearing all black too, only he has a long-sleeve sweater and pants instead of jeans. This guy is a brunette with his hair spiked and he has dark eyes. His facial features are a warm contrast to the cool features of the blonde with the really blue eyes. I wasn't told there would be anybody else here, but this second guy seems quiet, so I don't think it'll be a problem. Still I'm curious as to what he's doing here. But I'm not worrying about it. 

As they take seats across from us, the blonde speaks first. "I'm Spike." He gestures to the man at his side. "This is Angel." 

Chloe is the first to be rude when she asks, "Those are your names?" 

At the exact same time, Spike answers, "Yes," and Angel answers, "No." There seems to be some confusion between them, and they need to get their story straight. The blonde who introduced himself as Spike had promised me he'd use another name, his real one. 

After a brief look is exchanged between the two of them, Angel says, "He's William." Yes, that was the name he said he could use instead. 

"Spike," the blonde corrects him. Guess he won't be using William after all. 

Angel smiles, a little embarrassed, and explains, "It's just a nickname. He's kind of attached to it." That explanation seems to satisfy Chloe's question, and that's when I see how great an idea it was to have this Angel guy here for this too. He's got manners and to prove it, he politely offers, "Do any of you want anything? Coffee or cake?" 

The three of us shake our heads, and I say, "No, not really. Thanks, but we already ate." 

"Good, because we have don't have coffee or cake or anything else here," Spike says, shooting Angel a quick glare over his shoulder. 

We enjoy half a minute of peace before Chloe chimes in with yet another curiosity spawned by her investigative temperament. "How old are you anyway?" Is she implying that this guy isn't old enough to be my father? I think his body's pretty mature judging by certain factors I can detect with my powers... not that I peaked with my x-ray vision or anything... I just... I'll just shut up before I incriminate myself and then we get into pseudo-incest issues and... Yeah, shutting up now. 

The blonde scowls at Chloe and the brunette hides behind his hand. "Old enough," he replies with more than just a little attitude. "I'm not much younger than he is," Spike says again pointing to Angel, "and he had a son about your age." And once again Chloe is silenced. I'm feeling pretty smug, and I'm sure it shows. This was a good pick, and I'm actually very happy with the way things are going so far. 

Lex goes to open his mouth, and this is where I stiffen up. And none of this is in the good, sexually explicit way. "Who's Clark's mother?" Why does he have to ask about the other parent again? He's not even satisfied with having one parent there in front of him? I really start to wonder if anything I do will ever put an end to his curiosity and questioning about this. 

"He is," Spike says, once again, gesturing to Angel, who suddenly looks very irritated and discomfited. "He's a hermaphrodite." The blonde says it so casually and in this dry British wit kind of a way that I don't think any of is sure whether or not he's serious. 

Then, the dark and quiet brunette closes his eyes and starts to get up, as he mumbles, "I'm a eunuch, I'm a hermaphrodite... I'm tired, that's what I am!" 

Spike reaches out and grabs Angel's arm before he can walk away. "Come on, don't be like that, pet." And that's when I realize these guys are lovers just like me and Lex. I glance over to Lex, because I think this is just more proof that I picked the right guy for the part, and this just validates our entire relationship if my quote-unquote parent turned out to be gay too. 

No sooner does Angel sit down with a look of contempt aimed squarely at Spike than he turns to me and says, "I think your mother was a short little blonde girl named Buffy." Then he casts a scornful eye at Spike again, and says to him, "Right, lover?" Ouch, that comes out sounding really bitter. 

From Angel's extreme mocking tone, I assume there's some tension about this subject, and then it turns out I hit the nail on the head when Spike responds to that by saying, "Her again?" Spike sounds infinitely annoyed. "You swore you were never going to say that name again!" 

"No, I said I'd never say the name Drusilla again," Angel retorts angrily. 

"Bugger this! If you're going to be this much of a ponce all night, I'm out of here." Spike begins to get up from the chair when Angel quickly stands up. 

"No, you have to be here. I don't, and I'm not staying." With that, the brunette grabs a leather jacket and walks away. 

"Fine. Sod off! We don't need you," Spike shouts at Angel before he slams the door on his way out. Our host probably forgets we're there for a moment, and with the sudden awkwardness at its peak, he mumbles under his breath, "Bloody perfect. Now he's going to be like this all night." Then, he looks up at us, and remembers we're there. "Don't mind him. It's his time of the month." 

Hardly a minute goes by and Angel bursts in, opening the door so fast that it startles us. There's no trace of the anger or resentment in his face anymore. His expression is kind of... alarmed. He glances at us really quickly and then stares at Spike like he urgently needs to tell him something. "Umm... Spike, there's a... thing... out in the hall." 

"A thing?" Spike seems just as baffled as we are. 

"Yeah, a big... thing... and I really think you should come out here and help me kill it." His eyes are desperately trying to communicate something, but I can't figure out what, and it doesn't look like Spike can either. 

Just as I'm about to x-ray and see if there's a problem I can help with, Spike's eyes widen and he says, "Oh, a thing!" I guess he's finally gotten it. "Right!" 

"Is something wrong?" I ask, hoping I could be of use if this quote-unquote thing means trouble. 

"Oh, no, nothing's wrong." Funny, he doesn't sound too sure of that. Spike's not even looking at me. After getting up from the chair, he seems to be fumbling for words. "He's terrified of spiders. It's a real problem." 

At that, Spike disappears into the hall and just before Angel follows, he says to us, "He'll be right back." 

Once again, we're left to our own devices, and it's hard to tell how things are going because it's hard to tell what's even going on. Chloe immediately becomes restless and announces, "I'm going to see if there's anything to drink." Then she heads into the kitchen, leaving Lex and I alone in the living room. 

There's a really unnerving silence passing between me and Lex. I'm not sure why or how, but things feel... off. 

Of course, I can't think of any way to approach something that I can't put my finger on, so I just try to make inane conversation. "So, what do you think?" 

His stare shifts to me from one of the medieval axes on the wall and he barely blinks when he asks, "Of what?" 

What does he think I mean? We're here meeting my alleged father! Doesn't he have some opinion? And now that I ask myself that, I realize that this is the first time I've even thought to ask what he thinks about any of these experiences we've had. "About him? About my father? What else would I be talking about?" 

"I wouldn't know. You haven't been very talkative about anything lately." Well, that's the first admission he's made that something's bothering him. 

At the same time that I'm relieved he's starting to open up, I'm also pissed that he's laying this on me, and that he's doing it now. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"It means exactly what it sounds like it means." There's something so distressing about the way he pulls double talk like that sometimes. I mean, why the hell can't he just answer the damn question? He has to make with the ambiguous answers! And then he does it again. "As for your question, what does it matter what I think? He's your father, not mine." 

What? He's kidding, right? "You're kidding, right?" I'm officially upset now. If he couldn't care less, why the fuck did he make me go to all this trouble to find my parents? I hope this was fun for him, because I know it was a box of chocolates for me! "The entire reason we spent this whole week searching for my parents was because you were refusing to marry me unless we did! You're the reason we're here and now you're telling me it doesn't make a difference to you?" I don't believe my ears! I'm sure I'm on the verge of having a mental breakdown. 

"This isn't about your parents, Clark. It's about us." How can he sound so calm and composed, not to mention sane, when I'm battling back the urge to physically choke myself? What he just said boggles my mind and if it's possible for my alien brain to fry and explode, I get the feeling that it would take something like this to do it. I'm furious and at a complete loss. 

But I don't get the chance to figure out what to say to that, because Chloe calls to me from the kitchen, "Umm... Clark, can you come in here for a second?" 

Lex falls silent, and I've gotten very upset very suddenly. I don't want to walk away from this conversation, and at the same time I really do because it doesn't sound like it's going in a good direction. As much as I'd like to stick around and see how bad this talk can get, Chloe sounded a little weirded out, like something might be wrong... as if everything else weren't going to hell in a hand basket too, but this could be a whole different kind of important and the notion of escaping to deal with Chloe right now agrees with me more than staying here and arguing with Lex. 

The determining factor in the end is that Chloe does sound a bit spooked, even for her, so I want to make sure she's okay first and foremost. I get up and go into the kitchen to find her standing there holding a container filled with some thick, dark liquid. Her face is kind of pale, and I'm instantly worried. "Chloe?" 

Her hand is shaking a little bit as she holds up the container and she says a lot more confidently than she looks, "I was trying to find something to drink, so I went into the refrigerator, but when I opened it, all I found inside was a bunch of these." She moves it, and I can see the red of it more clearly as it swishes around inside. She sounds much more rattled and much less confident when she says, "I think this is blood." 

Not sure whether I'm trying to make a joke or be serious, I say, "It's not mine, is it?" 

She resembles her usual self much more closely when she raises an eyebrow and sarcastically replies, "Well, I don't have my junior chemistry set on me, Clark, but I definitely think it's blood and it had to come from somewhere... or someone!" 

"I know. Shit..." And that's when reality crashes my party and I can almost hear the umpire call out Strike Three. So much for the cool dad thing! But there will be time to sulk and pout later. Now seems like a good time to panic and get the hell out of Dodge. "Let's get Lex." 

As we exit the kitchen, Chloe throws the container back in the refrigerator. We're both fairly freaked and trying to keep our cool when we walk back into the living room and stop in front of Lex. I try not to alarm Lex and simply suggest, "Maybe we should go." 

Then, there is a ruckus growing in the hallway and it sounds like it's getting closer. Chloe and I freeze, while Lex just turns his head toward the door with an inquisitive look on his face. He has to be curious what all the noise is about, but I think it's safe to say Chloe and I aren't sure we want to know. We glance at each other while Lex is still focused on the door, and a silent mutual decision is made to check it out ourselves. We tread carefully towards the door, and then we open it. When we don't catch so much as a glimpse of anything, we step all the way out into the hall. 

All of a sudden, this gigantic blue... thing... that is as big as the hallway, has horns and in no way resembles a spider comes into view all the way at the end of the hall where the stairs are. Angel and Spike come into view and they get in a few blows before it runs down an intersecting hallway and then they chase after it, and disappear around that same corner. Chloe and I exchange glances again. This time we are beyond freaked. I step back inside, grab Lex by the wrist, and drag him out of his seat and out of the apartment. "We definitely need to go," is the only explanation I give for our hasty departure. 

None of us say a word on the way home. Chloe says good night to us when we come to her building, but that's the most anyone can say after everything that's happened. Lex and I go home to the penthouse. He goes to bed, but I can't imagine ever being tired again the way it stands right now. There's no way I'm getting any sleep. He's in the bedroom, probably resting comfortably, and I hide away in the solarium all night. I watch the stars move across the sky and breathe in the fresh smell of the flowers and foliage. I lose track of time and the sky gets lighter and lighter, and I realize I've barely moved for hours. My head is clearer now, and I understand how stupid and selfish I've been this whole time. And now I know that I may never be able to redeem myself for the way I've been acting. I have a lot to make up to Chloe and Lex. I feel like I know Chloe and I will be okay, because we always make up and we already kind of have. But I still don't know what Lex was talking about last night, and I don't get him at all right now. 

This feels like the end, but I know this ordeal isn't over yet. 

* * *

A splash distracts me from my thoughts, and it's loud enough that it would have wrenched me from my daze even if I didn't have super hearing. 

The room next to the solarium is an indoor swimming pool. It has a glass ceiling and glass walls just like the solarium does. The pool is heated, which is a nice feature because even though the noon sun is shining in and it feels really warm, it's not quite outdoor swimming weather yet. I know the splash I heard means that Lex is in the pool at this very moment, and this is my chance to go talk to him, get things off my chest, and just say what I feel needs to be said. 

As I head toward the pool, I see Lex swimming along. Smooth strokes, so graceful, like he has peace. Something I haven't had in a while. 

He must notice me come in because he heads for the shallow end and comes up the cement steps out of the water. He's wearing a pair of Speedos I bought him, and I take a minute to applaud myself for my excellent taste in skimpy, revealing swimwear. After all, it's made this poorly timed hard-on possible. Obviously when I shop for Lex, I aim to dress him for my viewing pleasure. 

What I didn't buy for him is the ankle-length robe he puts on when he gets out of the pool. That sucks, but it gets me thinking with the right part of my body again. 

He stands there and waits for me to come over to him, which I do. He looks like he's been dreading this, or at least like he's been expecting it. He's also putting all of the pressure of this on me, because he refuses to say anything. I stand there quietly and awkwardly for what seems like forever, and he just folds his arms and stares at me kind of sadly. I don't know what he wants me to say or what he thinks I'm going to say, but I suddenly feel aggravated that I have to be put through all of this just for the burden to fall on me now. 

I don't have some big speech prepared for this and it's unlikely that Lex intends to provide me with cue cards. I've run out of lies and all I have left is truth. "I don't know what you want from me. I can't give you my parents. I can't even give you a fiance who wants to find his parents. None of those people you met were my parents, and you're never going to meet them. You can't. Ever." This is coming out harsher than I mean it to, but at this point, this is all I have to say. "It's not just because I don't want to go looking for them either. It's because it's impossible. They're long gone and far out of touch. There are no documents to show you, and there are no birth records or archives to look up. I don't want to spend the rest of my life having to prove myself to you. Especially since there's nothing I can ever tell you that's going to satisfy your relentless need to know." His eyes narrow a bit, though he might just be squinting, and I'm not sure how to take that, so I just keep going. "You said this is about us. Well if that's true, then all you need to know is that I love you. Yes, there are things I don't tell you, but that doesn't mean I care about you any less or that I'm going to hurt you. You need to just trust me, because some things I might not ever tell you, and what I do know about my parents is one of those things. If I'm too scared to tell you something, there's a reason, and it's not because it could hurt you. I'd never do anything to hurt you, Lex. I just don't want to get hurt myself." I'm on the brink of breaking down, and I might descend into hysterics and have to be hauled off to the loony bin yet, but before that happens, I have to tell Lex one last thing. "But if you can't accept that and accept me on those terms, then don't marry me." 

I'm really afraid of my own words right after I've spoken them, because Lex looks like he's really mulling it over. He's quiet and he looks really pensive, and then he looks me in the eye. I'm worried for a millisecond before he starts to smile. "You really do love me, don't you?" he says, which sounds much more like something he's finally figured out and accepted rather than something he's questioning. "You must really love me to have endured all you've been through this week." And I take the first breath I've taken in minutes because I feel like he understands something now, something that somehow he didn't understand before. "I still want to marry you, Clark. Of course, I do." His smile grows and it's turned from distant and uncertain to warm and loving. I am incredibly relieved. I guess something I said struck a chord in him, and hit the right one at that. It seems like he's been plagued by a question and now he finally has an answer. "And if your biological parents can't be at the wedding and you say you can't tell me why, that's okay." It's a surrender, a white flag! This is a concession he's never made before. That I could say I couldn't tell him something and it would be alright. It's like the weight of a giant meteor rock around my neck has been lifted. 

"Thank you, Lex." I'm so happy that I'm about to cry, so I throw my arms around him and hug him tight. He hugs me back and I swear that it's the closest we've felt in months. I hadn't even realized it had been so long since it felt like we were in love, but in this moment, it's like we found something we had lost, and I never knew it was missing. 

The hug breaks and we are both smiling. Lex takes a step forward and gestures for me to come inside with him. I follow him just a step behind, and I just keep watching his face. Just like I know I haven't been this happy in a long while, I know I haven't seen him this happy in just as long. As we're walking I notice his smile getting a bit... smug. Then, without turning to look at me, he says, "Under the circumstances, I'm sure it's very difficult to deliver a wedding invitation to Krypton anyway." 

And my eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. That little bastard! He knew the whole time! Now I believe that I finally get it! It's like he needed to see if I'd come clean or just lie to him for the rest of our married lives. I'm in complete shock, and my head turns really fast to see that he's still walking along without a care in the world like what he said is nothing, and that's when I stop paying attention to where I'm going and there's another splash because I've walked right off the ledge of the pool and into the water. 

I don't know whether to love him more or kill him... though I probably won't kill him. 


End file.
